Red
by Hoshi Ayaka
Summary: Gojyo is angry after the day's events bring back memories he'd rather forget. Hakkai knows he can help him feel better.


Red

by: Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Saiyuki. Kazuya Minekura does. I only use her boys to help fuel my imagination/fantasies.

Another fucking night of camping. If I had to sleep in a goddamn tent with the other guys one more night I was going to fucking kill someone. I'd already had a rough day and now a night with those assholes. I stood leaning against a tree, cigarette lovingly tucked between my lips. As if it weren't enough that we had that whole damn gang of youkai attack, Dokugakuji had to show up with his little group of friends. Every time I see that bastard I want to weep with joy that he really is alive after all this time and then promptly gouge his eyes out for leaving me so long ago.

Now there was this fun little camp out for the fourth night in a row. It was fucking one 'o clock in the goddamn morning and I'd been in that tent, Hakkai so close I could reach out and touch him, the pissy monk sleeping beside him, the chimp snoring on the other end. No fucking way was I going to touch Hakkai with those two nestled so closely to us. I kicked at the dirt in anger. I wanted to punch something. Scream my anger up into the heavens. Seeing Doku always put me in this piss ass mood. I couldn't even have the pleasure of Hakkai's company to help soothe the pain.

I left the cigarette between my lips as reached up to brush my fingers against the twin scars running along my cheek. _Goddammit_! I kicked angrily off the tree and shoved my hands into my pockets. Damn this whole shit ass, fucking journey. I walked into the trees, away from our encampment. I'd just walk 'til the sun came out. No way in hell was I going back into that tent. No way in hell would I have been able to keep my hands off Hakkai. I wanted to yank him from his sleep, rip his clothes off, and bury myself so deep inside of him I would forget that there was ever a man by the name of Jien and a mother who only saw...nothing. Hakkai was the only thing that could bring me back from these depths, brighten my spirits, fill me with some sort of goddamn hope for life.

I stumbled over a tree root and barely contained my urge to scream out a well rounded fuck. _Son of a bitch. _I tossed my cigarette butt to the ground and promptly lit up another one. I pushed my hair back from my face and wrapped a band around it to hold it back. The cool night air touched the back of my neck as I looked up at the stars overhead and sighed. At least that felt a little better. I continued my walk. I spotted a break in the trees in the near distance and made my way toward it.

_ No goddamn, fucking way. _They sat there so smugly bowing gently in the breeze. If flowers could really think on their own I would have known those little bastards had planned this. It was like a sea of red. All those crimson petals glowering at me in the moonlight. As I stood there, I let the cigarette at my lips fall to the ground. I wished the damn things would all go up in flames. My fists clenched at my sides. I was going to fucking hit something...now.

My instincts kicked in and I spun quickly as I felt something brush my shoulder. Hakkai barely moved back just in time to avoid my well aimed punch. My hand was already out calling my weapon to me.

"Gojyo...it's just me." I stopped just in time, panting hard.

"Gojyo?"

I sucked in deep gulps of breath willing my body to calm down. No sense in killing the only person in the world who could ease the ache that was in my heart.

"I heard you leave Gojyo...is it the flowers?"

"Kai...goddamn, I could have killed you. How the fuck are you always so quiet?"

Hakkai's monocle glinted in the moonlight as he laughed. The sound made my insides grow warm. Hakkai's laugh...his real laugh. It was the best sound in the known universe.

"I'm sorry Gojyo. I could see that you were really upset. You should never let your guard down you know?"

I grinned sheepishly. "I know 'Kai. I just...damn, it's just tough sometimes." I sat down at the edge of the sea of flowers. I looked out over them and fished my pack of cigarettes from my pocket. Hakkai edged closer to me. He remained standing. I leaned over and let my shoulder touch his leg. The contact kept me grounded. Kept me from getting angry and lost all over again.

"Tell me about it Gojyo..."

I sighed and closed my eyes. Hakkai already knew so much about me. At night, after my energy had been spent on pleasing him I would lay with Hakkai in my arms and we would talk about all the things that had happened in our past. I knew about Kanan. I knew he had slept with his sister, loved her beyond any measure. I knew he loved her still and that I could never replace her, but I could be a new love. A new and different person for him to love and care for. I wouldn't erase those memories. They made Gonou into Hakkai. I liked to think I was _Hakkai's_ love. I would leave _Gonou_ to Kanan. If he could tell me he'd fucked his sister, I could tell him about a few measley flowers right?

I tugged on his pant leg, urging him to sit next to me. He came down in one smooth motion. Always fluid, always graceful, my Hakkai. I could feel him watching me. Feel his eyes tracing the scars on my cheek. I felt his hand on my cheek as he gently turned my head so I would have to look at him. He was so incredibly beautiful. The shape of his nose, the curve of his chin. So strong yet so vulnerable. This man held my heart so closely to his own. I knew I could trust him with anything.

"Everytime I see Jien, fuck, I mean Dokugakuji it all comes rushing back. It's not like I ever really forget but it's brought to the forefront of my thoughts when he's around. It swirls in waves through my mind like fire, burning all other thoughts and replacing it with the goddamn fear and sadness that I feel like I'll never be able to escape."

Hakkai nodded his head to me, giving me the chance to go on if I wanted. I wanted.

"When he killed her..._for me_..." My voice caught in my throat as I choked back a sob. I was _not _going to fucking cry over this _again._ Hakkai leaned closer to me. Our bodies were pressed together so I could feel his warmth. Never would he put his hands on me out of pity. I knew he leaned toward me to acknowledge his support, would allow me to draw upon his strength to work these things out in my mind. I took a steadying breath and continued.

"The flowers were scattered everywhere. I'd picked them for her. I thought...I thought they would make her happy. I had seen them in a field much like this and stupidly I thought they would make her smile. Anything to stop the goddamn tears. Anything to make her smile at me, you know?"

This time Hakkai did put his hand on me. Just a slight brush of his fingers over my arm. His fingers left a trail of heat in their wake. I realized I was still holding the pack of cigarettes in my hand. I tapped one out and placed it between my lips. I flicked the lighter to life and lit it.

"It just pissed her off even more. All she could see was the red. The red of my goddamn hair, my goddamn eyes. The red of my blood that she was going to spill." I inhaled the smoke and held it in my lungs an extra second. When I let it flow from my chest, through my lips I felt calm.

"I was going to let her too...what use was I to anybody? All I ever did was make her cry. Jien knew too. He came in and saw those flowers, all the petals scattered and knew I was going to be on the floor, my blood just as red mingling with all those flowers. So he killed her instead."

The silence was so loud I wanted to press my hands to my ears and cry. Hakkai wrapped his arms around my body and pulled me close. I wished he could have pulled me all the way into his body, all the way into his fucking _soul_. I wanted to disappear into him. Wanted to feel nothing but his warmth.

"Gojyo..."

I looked up into his eyes. His head dipped slightly and our lips met. It was the gentlest of kisses. Meant to reassure, not something to get lost in. He wanted me awake and aware that he was there.

"We can't erase those memories Gojyo. They made you into the man that you are today." His words only echoed the thoughts I had earlier. "We can however make new ones..."

I sat silently frozen in his arms. New memories? Nothing would ever take away the old ones, but the new ones...they could be better, happier. I smiled at Hakkai.

"Always so fucking smart 'Kai."

He laughed as he brought his mouth back down on mine. This kiss was meant to make my body ache, my blood boil. His lips were so soft on mine. His tongue ran along my bottom lip urging me to open my mouth to him. I wanted the taste of him on my lips. Wanted to savor the feel of his tongue as it explored every inch of my mouth. He tasted so strong...of cloves, and hope, his love filled my mouth, filled me with the simply exotic taste of Hakkai.

I groaned into his mouth and brought my hands up to cup his face gently. The curve of his jaw in my hands brought me to the edge. I was all over him instantly. My fingers were dragging through his hair, my nails scraped his scalp gently and brought the hair up in little twists. I savored the feel of the silken strands flowing across and through my fingers. Our chests were pressed together so tightly I wasn't quite sure where I ended and Hakkai began. He pulled away abruptly jerking me from my venture into heaven.

"Come on..." He placed my hand in his and pulled me to my feet as he stood. "New memories."

I trailed behind him, my arm outstretched to make sure my hand remained in his as we took the first tentative steps into the vengeful flowers. I was surprised that their petals didn't reach up and try to drag me under. I laughed out loud when I realized what I'd been thinking. Hakkai turned at my laugh and the moon behind him framed his face in a luminescent glow. He quite literally took my breath away. With my breath caught in my chest I feared I would never get the chance to make the new memories. Hakkai laughed at me.

"Breathe Gojyo...they're _just flowers._"

It was enough to get me breathing again. I laughed and threw my cigarette to the ground.

"It wasn't the flowers 'Kai. It was you." I pulled him to me and wrapped my arms around his back holding him close. "You take my breath away."

I swooped down for a hard kiss. My hands raked against his back, wanting to tear at the cloth to feel his skin at my fingertips. Hakkai's hands were exploring my face, the pad of his thumb running over my scars as I had done earlier. The feel was electric. It sent bursts of desire through my entire body. I moaned against his mouth and I could feel him smile. I never let him touch those scars. For the first time, I really didn't mind.

Hakkai's mouth left mine and trailed kisses up along my jaw to my ear. He breathed gently into my ear sending goosebumps up and down my body. My nipples tightened and I wanted nothing more than to feel his mouth on them. I pulled up on his shirt, thanking the Merciful Goddess he was only wearing a simple shirt instead of his normal travel outfit. We separated for a second only as the shirt came up over his head. Our bodies slammed back together forcing a moan from both of us. His skin was so hot against mine. I decided in that moment I would always go shirtless. The pure joy of being able to feel him so fully, so quickly was worth the possibility of being cold.

Hakkai's fingers were brushing circles around my nipples while his tongue stroked mine, tasting and teasing me into a frenzy. I was pushing the cotton pajama bottoms from his hips when he began squeezing my nipples. I felt myself growing weak and tried to lock my knees to keep from falling. Hakkai always knew what I liked. His hands moved to the front of my jeans and he deftly popped open the button and had me unzipped without breaking our kiss.

I cupped Hakkai's ass underneath his bottoms and pulled him up against my body. Our erections rubbed against each other and Hakkai groaned loudly. The sound of his pleasure sent my brain spiraling. I wanted to make him moan my name out loud. I broke the kiss and went to my knees in the flowers. I could smell their fragrance on the breeze as I pulled his pajama bottoms all the way to the ground.

Hakkai's cock stood quite proudly in the moonlight. He never failed to impress me with his beauty. The soft skin was begging to be touched, to be kissed. I placed a small kiss on the head and wrapped my hand around his length. I was rewarded with a drawn out hiss. Not good enough, I wanted my name to escape his lips. I licked at the underside, kissed and sucked my way back up and took his head into my mouth. My mouth was flooded with the salty sweetness of Hakkai.

I groaned as I began to take all of him into my mouth. He was so thick and full. I gripped him at the base of his cock and began to work him up and down, in and out. I let my tongue run up and down the length as I sucked him in a smooth motion. I could smell his excitement and it made my own cock stiffen painfully. I could feel him begin to twitch and harden, a sure sign that he was getting close. I slowed my movement and swirled my tongue around his head.

"God...Gojyo..."

There it was! All I wanted was to know he was with me. I just wanted my name. I pulled him down to his knees on the ground with me. I kissed him full on the mouth, wanting him to taste himself on my lips. He sucked at my lips and tongue hungrily while his hands ran over my arms lingering on the muscles. Hakkai gently pushed me backwards until I lay flat against the flowers. I panicked a little when I felt the flowers against my back, framing my face. Their petals and leaves brushed against my legs and ribs and I was enveloped in their smell. I was surprised by the small whimper that escaped from my lips.

Hakkai was there instantly. His hands were cupping my face urging me to look into his eyes.

"I'm here with you Gojyo..."

His kiss was gentle. His hands in my hair were soft as he tugged at the band holding it back. I leaned up a little trying to give him better access. When my hair came loose it flowed over my shoulders, down my back. Hakkai pressed my back against the ground and spread my hair out among the flowers.

"It's beautiful Gojyo. You're beautiful."

Hakkai ran his hand down my chest and over my stomach. He leaned over and placed wet kisses along the ridges of my stomach. I sighed when his warm mouth kissed my hip. I let my hands play lazily in his hair. He explored my body with his tongue, planted kisses on his favorite parts while he pushed my jeans down my legs and off my body. Hakkai licked the hollow of my collar bone and bit into my neck gently. I shuddered when he licked where he'd just bit. The sensation of his tongue soothing the soft ache made my dick throb.

Almost as if he could read my mind, Hakkai took my cock into his hand and squeezed gently. I let my legs part and fall to the side. I wanted him to take me. I wanted him to fill me up so all I had left was him. I didn't want to think of anything but the feel of him inside of me. He was kissing my belly again, stroking my cock in the most perfect up and down rhythm when I felt his slick finger at my hole. I groaned at the thought of being filled by him. His finger slid inside me in one easy move. I was so ready for him. Hakkai knew it too...he could feel it. He slipped a second finger in and began working me gently. He knew where to touch, where to push, knew when to be gentle and when to take control. We spoke without words. He could read my body like no one else had ever been able to do.

I was panting when Hakkai withdrew his fingers from me. He slid his body against mine and recaptured my mouth. I squeezed my eyes shut and arched my body into his, begging for him to be inside of me quickly. He chuckled in my mouth and covered my face with small teasing kisses.

"Tell me you want me Gojyo..."

"God Hakkai...you know I want you, badly"

He laughed again pulled my hair forcing my head back. He nipped at my neck and licked to soothe the small bites.

"Tell me again."

I groaned loudly. "Please fuck me Hakkai."

He slid in so smoothly I couldn't control my moans. His mouth was on mine as he entered me, effectively trapping my moans in his mouth. He swallowed them as his tongue explored my mouth. I arched into him again begging him to fuck me. I opened my eyes, not wanting to miss anything. Hakkai was pulling away from my mouth, putting his elbows in the flowers to give himself some leverage. The first stroke sent me to the edge. I wanted to cry and scream. I wanted him slow and fast and everything in between. I just wanted him.

Each in and out, each stroke, each kiss, each caress pushed the fear and hurt from my mind and body. I could smell Hakkai, I could smell sex, I could smell the wind, the trees, the moon, and yes, I could smell the flowers...and they just made me ache even more for Hakkai. He pushed himself inside of me over and over until I thought I would explode. Our breathing was rapid as Hakkai pushed himself up onto one hand. He used his free hand to wrap around my leg and pull us closer. We groaned together as he shifted into a faster pace. In and out, he pushed so far inside of me I was afraid I would die from the pleasure.

I reached down and grabbed my cock. I didn't want Hakkai to change a damn thing. He'd found the perfect position, perfect rhythm and I didn't want to lose it. I pumped my cock in my hand as Hakkai fucked me and in seconds I was coming in white hot streams over both of our bellies. I could not stop repeating Hakkai's name over and over. I could feel my muscles gripping Hakkai's cock in time to the pulsing in my cock and I smiled when Hakkai came inside of me.

_ "Fuck, Gojyo..."_

It was always hot to hear Hakkai curse. It didn't happen often so when it did, I knew I'd done something right. Hakkai collapsed on top of me and I kissed the top of his head. I wrapped him in my arms and rolled us to our sides. I took a moment to catch my breath before I lifted my head and rested it on my hand. I looked down into Hakkai's eyes glittering in the moonlight and I laughed.

"We should make new memories like this more often..."

Hakkai's laughter was short and sweet. He reached out and began picking the crimson petals from my hair.

"We're going to be finding petals in your hair for weeks."

I laughed and kissed him softly on the lips. "I don't think I'm going to mind."

Hakkai stroked the side of my face and leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"Good, because I think you should know, red really is one of my very favorite colors..."


End file.
